I found myself without words when my daughter, age 3, said in a restaurant bathroom one day, “mom, that is a big peoples” in description of a woman who was helping her own child wash her hands. What was the best response to that? I waited until the lady left the restroom and then responded with, “it’s o.k. to make observations about people, but some people might not like being called big.” I assumed she was discussing the person’s weight. In reality, as I listened more to her as time went on, she uses big to describe anyone larger than herself. For example she will say, “ mom, you have a big head, I have a little head,” or “I’m not bigger enough for….”.
This got me thinking. This pervasive ignoring of, or gag order of not discussing things has permeated all aspects of our lives. In some school districts, teachers are not allowed to wear cross jewelry because that would show that they are Christian and teachers are supposed to be neutral. There has been discussion about not allowing the National Christmas Tree as it is a religious symbol of Christianity to some. So our answer to the tenant that we should offend none is that we should also celebrate none. By celebrating none, however, we are stripping away the identities of the diverse people of our nation and preventing our children from being exposed to a wide variety of beliefs and ideas, and in turn making them ignorant. To be racially and ethnically competent, don’t we need to talk about and experience other races and cultures? In an effective religious class, don’t the students get exposed to a variety of religions and religious beliefs? And isn’t religion, race, and ethnicity all part of culture? Isn’t it true then that the way we act, dress, and eat also based, in some way, on those parts of our identity?
When I was in high school health, we had a solid week of speakers and experts on topics ranging from Tobacco use/abuse to abortion. For each topic, we had more than one speaker and our teacher tried to make sure we had both “sides” of the topic. We had to have a signed permission slip for each and every presenter. My mother, very staunchly Catholic and very much against abortion, signed both the permission slips for that day, meaning I could listen to both presentations, one on each side of the issue. I had friends whose parents would not allow their children to hear the planned parenthood version, only the prolife version. I asked my mother why she allowed me to listen to both. She replied with, “I believe it is important for you to hear all sides of an issue in order to make an informed decision.” She also said, “ At this point my work is done. I have tried to teach you and explain our views and beliefs and I would hope you would agree with them, but you are your own person and need to make up your own mind.” Those two statements have stayed with me throughout my life.
I think that we validate and appreciate our own identities; cultural, racial, ethnic, religious, sexual, what have you, much more when we learn about and experience others. What are we so afraid of by allowing our children to learn, in a respectful way, about others? That they would somehow become whatever it is they are learning about? That they might, gasp, believe something different from us? I have news for you, they will anyway, whether we are part of the conversation or not. I think we should talk about all of those things with our children and allow them to learn about them in school and allow the nation and the world to celebrate everyone, not just one particular group and/or no groups. If I had not had the conversation with my daughter about the woman in the bathroom, I would never have known her views. If I hadn’t engaged my son in a conversation about melanin, I would have never heard his perspective on skin color. I hope I am raising my kids in such a way that they will be able to ask questions, learn, and be respectful. I hope they are willing to celebrate themselves and celebrate others as well. I want to thank those in my life who have allowed me to ask questions, explore, make mistakes, and learn from them and about them.
